Celtic spank Stoneham two nil !!!!

One of the first chaps I saw this morning was Rob so I thought that I should be especially friendly so that he would be nice to me. I told Rob that he looked well and rested. Rob thanked me and I felt safe. Rob then skewered me with a cutting comment on the sideline and Ged laughed and rubbed it in ... the northern bastard! Rob's comment was terribly upsetting although strangely I have no recollection of what it was exactly. I asked Rob after the game and he said that he didn't remember it either. But I do know this ... it was terribly hurtful! 

Moving right along. Tom our crack keeper was missing and Rob suggested that I should stress this and use a headline of "TOM ... WHO NEEDS HIM!" I thought that this was a bit strong. Andy played in net for the first half and then Bobby and Walter split the duty in the second half and they all kept a clean sheet ... unlike Tom!

We had some fireworks in the game and the ref threatened to pull the plug. Captain Flicky took charge and cooled down everyone although I noted that a fatwah was issued by Stoneham. The game was kinda feisty and I got the impression that Stoneham don't like to lose but the fact was that we were the better team and we deserved the win. Stoneham did catch us offside about thirty five times and they hit our post a couple of times but Taso could not stop scoring and got another hat trick ... scratch that ... two hat tricks! He also gave the Gilf a free coaching clinic and after the game he provided lunch for everyone. The lunch was great and I washed it down with the best beer in New England ... JB gave me a heady topper and you can't beat that! 

Taso posed for pictures after the game with his shirt on and Doug V provided this photo of Taso on South Beach with his shirt off. 

We were unbeaten this season under the fearless leadership of Captain Flicky and if it were a normal season we would be going to the play offs. I had a good time writing all of this nonsense and look forward to doing it again in the spring.

Keep it tight at the back lads!

Kate Moorman wins best lunch of the season for the 50th year in a row!

Kate did it again ... lasagne, sausage, meatballs, breaded chicken, salad, cookies ... an amazing Italian feast. Apparently Yiannis Moorhen is in charge of pounding the chicken cutlets before they are breaded but apart from this he is just around to keep Kate properly hydrated with chianti while she cooks. He spends most afternoons sleeping off these enormous Italian lunches which he does whilst snoring and farting in perfect unison on the couch while British baking shows are playing on the TV. Yiannis eats leftovers all week and his leftovers are better than most folks first-overs. The other punters in his office spend most of their time trying to figure out how much of his brown bag lunches they can syphon off without getting noticed ... of course they are lawyers so their natural inclination to take 90% is a dead giveaway! 

As for the match, here is the poop. We played the over 40's in a friendly and thrashed them to a 2-2 tie and Taso got a hat trick. This is the storyline that we agreed to stick to. One thing is for sure ... we gave them a thing or two to think about and we kept it reasonably tight at the back. George (the life, the legend and the something else he asked me to include) was as solid as a rock. With George at the back, Andy was released a few times to surge forward and put the cat amongst the pigeons and the fox in the hen house.

Rob was especially mean to me on account of the fact that he passed me the ball and I tried to cross it. Apparently I was supposed to pass it back to Rob ... like I'm a bloody mind reader! To be fair he was yelling something like "give it back to me you Limey bastard!" Well let me tell you ... I curled up into the fetal position and cried myself to sleep on Sunday night. My Iranian therapist Doctor Gofuk Yerseff tried to talk me down but the electrodes kept slipping off my nipples so he just kept slapping me and telling me to pull myself together. 

Taso kept his shirt on for at least half of the game and gently urged his teammates to keep battling. By "gentle urging" I mean screaming at us like a madman! Talking of mad men ... Trump defends lawsuits stating that "nobody knows more about fraud than me!" He has also sued the entire state of Minnesota and told every citizen of that state to lawyer up. Oh and Bill Barr tested negative for integrity. Dougie Vee, despite being in Florida, had a solid game today and made any number of "no look" passes and clipped a couple off the bar. Gedwood the northern bastard showed up and made any number of helpful comments from the sideline ... "lay it off" ... "or do that". Captain Flicky had a perfect opportunity to back flick a pass and did not take it ... we are all worried and he is undergoing tests. Cain had to shoot off early for a shagging appointment with a cocktail waitress that he met during the half time interval. He had to be quick because he had a female plumber coming over to clean out his pipes shortly thereafter. Jan conducted a raffle and the prize was ten minutes in the shower with Cain. Oh ... one more thing ... Trump is seeking to overturn Obama's 2008 election even though he won by about 9 million votes.  

Celtic 3 Melrose 2

 Another victory although the score line flatters Melrose because we dominated the whole game and created loads of chances which brings me to the reason for us not banging in more ... constipation up front! Captain Flicky had a good game even though, or perhaps because he was wearing Debbie's knickers for a face mask. 

Here is a picture of Bill's regular mask.

Apparently the face masks and knickers are in the same spot in the Bostridge castle so it's an easy mistake to make. The highlight for the Flickster was definitely a perfectly executed back pass that split the Melrose defense like a knife through butter ... a hot knife at that! Rob had a good game and nearly scored when he blasted one off the post in the second half. I did hear someone say to Jan that Rob did not look happy, to which she replied "well, he should be happy" ... I don't know what that meant and guessed that Jan had dubbin'd Rob's football boots for him. According to everyone else on the sideline I was way off!

Cain had one attempt cleared off the line ... which drew Captain Flicky to issue his "chocolate fireguard" comment ... "he's about as useful as a chocolate fireguard!!" Unfortunately the Captain did  not use some of other favorites like "put a red hat on it" or knock it "around the horn" which I believe is a nautical reference about rounding the tip of South America. You know what though ... I could be wrong on this guess? I will make a note to myself to clear this up with Bill. 

Taso scored two and took his shirt off thrice, realized it was chilly and quickly put it back on. One more goal however and he would have been down to his skivvies in a flash. The second goal was scored after pulling his hammy ... and I do want to point out that this is not a euphemism for a Grecian sex move involving relations with a farm animal. Bobby scored a nice one with his melon off a curling cross from Pat. The cross was perfect and Pat made it with short sleeves, which I think is noteworthy. At one point in the match I counted six of our players sporting short sleeves and only two of theirs. Some football pundits don't think that the number of short sleeved players is relevant but let's face it ... these people just don't understand football like I do. 

I had any number of sideline punters feel the soft lining of my new jacket although Gedwood the northern bastard continually refused until right near the end of the game when he furtively copped a feel. He did look a bit sheepish but agreed that the lining was very soft ... he said as much ... "yeah, it's soft ... just like you." Taso had no qualms whatever when he felt the soft lining ... but I felt strangely violated.