Windham came into the game with the worst record in the league and they only had eight players show up and they all looked a bit old and knackered. We showed up in our spiffy new kit, freshly shaven and enjoying a little lighthearted banter. I did conduct a short survey with a number of teammates who, like me, had successfully completed at least two bowel movements that very morning. I don't want to go too deeply into this but if you have not completed at least 1.65 BM's pre game you are not fully prepared and you really need to get your shit together!
We were the picture of youth, health and vitality and I'm not even exaggerating a tiny bit. I've told myself a million times not to exaggerate! Captain Flicky conferred with the Windbags and the decision was made that we would do the gentlemanly thing, take a 2-0 forfeit, give them a few players and make a game of it. Obviously we would still win convincingly with a combination of style, pace and incisive passing. Sadly we played dreadfully and we conceded any number of goals. I say "any number of goals" because I cannot bring myself to write the actual number. Tom must have been on his meds because the first one that got by him was a grass cutter that he would comfortably save 100 times out of 99.
As a team we played like crap with dodgy passes and bad decisions all over the park. I don't want to pick on myself but I was total rubbish and this is unforgiveable because back in Blighty the Hammers had just spanked the Foxes three nil and I caught a shed load of stripers the day before ... how could it all go so wrong?
After the game Andy put on what my mum would call "a lovely spread" with sausage, onions, peppers and pastries for "after's". Gedwood the Northern Bastard watched some of the game and made some interesting observations. I remember one in particular ... "you lot were crap today" although it doesn't sound so bad with a northern accent.
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