Celtic 2 Boxford 2

Dougie V is a happy guy. He is on all sorts of meds for any number of conditions that are quite unique to him and one other guy who lives in Borneo. Scientists believe that they may both have been bitten by the same pangolin. Why is Doug happy you ask? Answer ... nobody knows, but I can tell you this ... I'll have whatever he's having! This is a picture of Doug at the conclusion of a 2-2 tie. I am gonna try and get a picture of him after we thrash someone and after we get beaten but I bet you won't be able to tell the difference. You may have to wait a while for a the picture of Doug after a loss because we remain unbeaten this season.

I could not play today on account of a dodgy leg from last week so I watched from the sideline and joked around with Gedwood the northern bastard. I wore my new jacket which is really warm and comfortable and I was quite upset that Ged refused to feel the soft lining ... I offered like three times but he wouldn't feel it which I think is very bad manners. They say that the farther north you go in England, the friendlier the people get but they also say that northerners hate southerners!

I did make some astute observations about the game from the sideline. The first observation was that we played badly in the first half and quite well in the second half. I know, I know ... there I go again with that overly technical analysis. We really should have won the game and very nearly did when a well struck ball hit the post with less than ten minutes to go. Taso scored the first goal but I missed it so I will assume that it was identical to the one that Antonio scored yesterday against Citeh. The second goal was scored by Cain and I did not really see how that one went in so I'm gonna suggest that it was just like the one that Lanzini scored last week against Spurs.

After the game JB served meatballs. His wife made the meatballs. JB got up at 4am to make his 3rd nocturnal tinkle and turn on the crock pot. Someone said that the meatballs had some zing to them but I am sure that he was clear headed enough to pee in the loo!  

Apparently McDonald Trump had a rally in Omaha and his supporters were all frozen and stranded for hours. He told them that the buses were rounding the turn.

Celtic 1 North Shore International men of mystery 1

So here's what happened from my point of view on the grassy knoll near the book depository. I really wanted to play on the turf field but was told that we were playing on the grass and that was that and to shut up and stop whining. The grass was a bit frosty this morning and everyone was complaining of wet feet so magically we moved over to the turf field. Turns out that this was not what really happened at all ... the whole switcheroo was arranged by the Russians who deliberately frosted the field, as confirmed by a series of emails found on Hunter Biden's laptop that happened to be lying under a tree near the parking lot.

Captain Flicky was not at the helm today so Andy called out the starting line up and stayed true to the 3-5-2 format that had been working well for us all season. After about five minutes Oscar subbed in up front and about five minutes after this he tried to decapitate a chap with his elbow. An old vendetta had been settled but the ref was not amused and issued a straight red card. We were down to ten players for the rest of the match and Oscar had to go and sit on the naughty step. 

The Internationals are a solid team with some decent midfielders and forwards but they kept getting caught in our offside trap. Now I don't want to keep going on about it but the turf field has lines on it and this makes for an even more effective offside trap .... but I won't labor the point. I noticed that every time they got caught they yelled at each other in a different language. Fortunately I have google translate and managed to catch some of their comments:

"I say old bean, we've been snookered once again by these tricky blighters!"

"Your daughter has the rump of a slow, old chicken!"

"You silly pumpkin, I was available for the passing of the balloon!"

We went into the half, tied at zero's. In the third half Walter found himself right up the sharp end of thee pitch and put us ahead with a tap in. They managed an equalizer near the death but I don't know much about it because I was on the bench nursing a sore leg. Tom explained exactly how we conceded the goal and basically said that it was all Rob's fault. LATE BREAKING NEWS ... apparently it was not Rob's fault and Tom is now saying that he should have taken the guy out by breaking one if not two of his legs and forced a PK that he would have saved with his cat like abilities. Overall I think that we played well and we are unbeaten this season. 

Pat served chili that had a nice bit of zap to it and beers magically appeared for the washing down of said chili. BTW ... check out this goal from Lanzini ..... 

https://twitter.com/i/status/1317879696550465536

Celtic wins 2-0 versus Windham

Windham came into the game with the worst record in the league and they only had eight players show up and they all looked a bit old and knackered. We showed up in our spiffy new kit, freshly shaven and enjoying a little lighthearted banter. I did conduct a short survey with a number of teammates who, like me, had successfully completed at least two bowel movements that very morning. I don't want to go too deeply into this but if you have not completed at least 1.65 BM's pre game you are not fully prepared and you really need to get your shit together! 

We were the picture of youth, health and vitality and I'm not even exaggerating a tiny bit. I've told myself a million times not to exaggerate! Captain Flicky conferred with the Windbags and the decision was made that we would do the gentlemanly thing, take a 2-0 forfeit, give them a few players and make a game of it. Obviously we would still win convincingly with a combination of style, pace and incisive passing. Sadly we played dreadfully and we conceded any number of goals. I say "any number of goals" because I cannot bring myself to write the actual number. Tom must have been on his meds because the first one that got by him was a grass cutter that he would comfortably save 100 times out of 99. 

As a team we played like crap with dodgy passes and bad decisions all over the park. I don't want to pick on myself but I was total rubbish and this is unforgiveable because back in Blighty the Hammers had just spanked the Foxes three nil and I caught a shed load of stripers the day before ... how could it all go so wrong? 

After the game Andy put on what my mum would call "a lovely spread" with sausage, onions, peppers and pastries for "after's". Gedwood the Northern Bastard watched some of the game and made some interesting observations. I remember one in particular ... "you lot were crap today" although it doesn't sound so bad with a northern accent.