This morning we played Lexington short handed on account of a bunch of wankers off on a daft golf trip. We agreed that the golfers should be unnamed because of their shameful behavior. The unnamed miscreants are ANDY, JB, DOUG, CAPTAIN FLICKY and PAT.
Lexington showed up early with a passel of subs and they immediately started playing mind games .... they sent two pregnant grandpa's out to knock the ball around and perform calisthenics. One had to leave with braxton hicks.
Tom showed up right on time albeit at the Lexington pitch so Walter went in goal for the start of the game which meant that we started the game with ten players. Walter made a few saves but Tom eventually arrived at our pitch and we were up to eleven players for a solid ten minutes before Derek hobbled off with a hammy. Christos had to leave at half time to slaughter a goat for Greek Easter so we played the rest of the game with nine. Nevertheless Johnny G bagged another hat trick and we kept it very tight at the back for the clean sheet. Lexington had a few half decent players but could not break us down. Taso shouted at everyone for the full ninety minutes and failed the post game drug test. The authorities asked Taso to provide a sperm, stool and urine sample so he made things easy and gave them his shreddies! The results are quite disturbing ... gonorrhea, covid and dementia. Rob had a problem with every member of the Lexington team especially their winger Miggs. When Clarice Starling passed his cell, Miggs made a crass sexual remark which prompted Rob to talk him into swallowing his tongue, resulting in his death. This will save Rob the trouble of hacking him to the ground the next time we play Lexington.
Ged showed up after the game with bags of bagels, donuts and long cheesy tadgers. Cain showed up in civvies to watch the game and talk strategery ... he is an expert in these matters and is successfully entertaining a multitude of ladies without any of them realizing that they aren't "the one". Cain will be appearing on Shark Tank to sell his proprietary software/lubricant package ... "Bonkaway".
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