Our first game was away at the Drug Enforcement Agency in Bedford NH. The field was incorrectly lined but freshly mowed .... by a herd of goats, and judging by the cutting job, the goats need some dental work. Captain Flicky announced that we should have started with plenty of subs but that a number of blokes had jumped ship at the last moment leaving us with no subs. The Captain was not happy. The nameless miscreants are Johnny G, JB, Andy, Moorman and Blanchy who all promised to play and then came up with a bunch of lame excuses as to why they could not make it. There was some discussion that they all feared the DEA because they all traffic in controlled substances. On the plus side we got our nice new kits which included incredibly comfortable socks. I plan to sleep in mine all week. Captain Flicky changed his pre-match speech from "we're gonna kill 'em" to "we have no subs, the season is a shit show so lets just have a bit of fun". Weirdly this change of plan may have worked and now that I think about it I would not be surprised if this is exactly what the captain intended ... the cunning old fox!
New Mike gave it his best but lasted ten minutes and had to abandon the battle with an injury so the ten of us had our work cut out ... it was knackering in the heat on the heavy pasture. Early in the first half I took a throw in to Caino who dribbled to the end line and cut one back for Pat who slotted it into the bottom corner. We were one up. Our second goal was scored not long after the first by Commodore Gilf of the Topsfield Yacht Club who pounced on loose ball in a goalmouth scramble. The DEA came at us pretty hard for the whole game ... sniffer dogs, cavity searches, probing questions ... the works! As you may have deduced I am planning to have a little fun with the team name but it's perfectly fine to do this because I am Mr Earnest Scribbler. Tom made some astonishing saves that would have beaten the standard keeper ... I think he was off his meds on the day and it was working. I'm talking full stretch athletic stuff with a difficult dismount and landing ... no, I'm serious ... some really impressive goalkeeping. At one point deep in the first half Bedford caused havoc in our area and got behind Tom but Rob leapt in to save the day and cleared the ball off the line. It was Roy of the Rovers stuff! They pulled one back in the second half but we held it together with a "you shall not pass" attitude. We tried to go forward but played for eighty minutes with only one up front. Nevertheless Caino hit the post in the second half. He did not score on the day but I'm guessing that he rippled the back of the old onion bag later that evening!
I seem to have meandered off course here ... where was I?
After the game Rob gave me a really shitty beer which was cold but so shitty as to be almost undrinkable. The can said it was beer but it definitely wasn't. It was more like very watery goat pee. But I only mention this because it was very kind of Rob to bring a few beers to the game. Rob the king of all piss takers is actually a very nice chap who is happy and willing to share really crap beer with his teammates.
Taso the carnival barker did a fine motivational job and managed to keep his shirt on for the entire game. It was hot and sweaty day and ninety minutes felt like an eternity but we got it done with a gritty performance. We possessed and moved the ball quite well and deserved the win. The players who got it done were Tom, new Mike, Rob, Gilf, Walter, Taso, Pat, Oscar, me, Captain Flicky and Caino.
Keep it tight at the back lads!
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