The weather was perfect, the pitch was top notch and the lads were ready to win it all starting by giving Stoneham a damned good spanking. We welcomed the dirty northern bastard to the team who questioned me before the game ... "southern bastard, I'm sensing something from you?" So I explained ... "I don't like you.". Anyway, moving right along. We dominated the first half but did not take our chances ... the northern bastard hit the bar ... meaning that he hit the crossbar of the goal. We all know he's constantly hitting the bar ... because he's a drunken northern bastard!
It was all square in the first half but we gave them two soft goals in the second half which was quite unlike us. Our usually reliable keeper may have been involved but I won't spill the beans even though he said mean things about the Hammers. BTW West Ham United ... World Cup Winners! Where was I? Oh yes ... this southern bastard won us a penalty late on and stuck it in the corner of the old onion bag. We scrambled for an equalizer but ran out of time and the game ended 2-1 to Stoneham. After the game Tom exchanged pleasantries with Joe Mello who mentioned something quite unsavory about Tom's mum. The actual comment was something along the lines of .... hmm, err, an insertion of some kind of appendage ... into an orifice of some kind .... I will spare the sordid details but let's just say that he should be made to sit on the naughty step. We immediately called for the paramedics who would have been needed to stitch up Joe if we could not quickly shoot Tom with a tranquilizer dart. While we feasted pitch side on Pat's curry our old friend Lesly stopped by to give us more shit. While the guys spent time explaining to Lesly that he was "lacking in moral fiber" for joining Stoneham, I muttered "douchebag sayswot" a few times ... and the Gilf chortled and this is because he is blessed with a strangely childish sense of humor.
So I've been reviewing the game stats and let me see ... I have one goal ... which, let me get this right ... yes, yes indeed ... makes me the top scorer on the team! Why do I mention this? Err ... no reason! Can someone please let Cain know that there is no reason that I mention this?
We played 4-2-3-1 and the general opinion is that we need a second striker. Captain Flicky will review this option with the backroom staff during the week and will release his findings forthwith. In conclusion it has to be said that Rob's new football boots are very nice indeed and the fluorescent green color almost matches his shirt ... but not quite! I'm sorry Rob but the boots will have to go. Not all is lost with Rob however because I learned an important lesson from him ... I changed into dry shreddies after the game but Rob went shreddie free which is a better option on a warm day. When it comes to the care and protection of one's undercarriage ... Rob really is the king.
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