Celtic beats Nashua 3-0 and we are top of the table!

Congratulations to Captain Flicky …. accomplished athlete, businessman, raconteur, wit, convivial gentleman and now sexagenarian*

* Sexagenarian: A 60 year old person who considers and quickly dismisses sexually activity in favor of a cup of tea and a nap

Happy birthday Captain Flicky you old bastard!

This one was a walk in the park really because the Celtic played like a well oiled machine ... retained possession, short passes, move into space ... the works. The goals came from Andy, Brahim and Caino, and the peach of the batch was Andy's for sure ... he picked up the ball on our goal line and sprinted the entire length of the pitch gliding smoothly through multiple players before sending the keeper full stretch but unable to stop a rocket of a shot that bulged the old onion bag to a fair thee well. Andy will be furnishing me with a cash payment for the shameless embellishment of a rather pedestrian tap in ... a service that I am happy to offer all team mates.

Celtic had all of the possession and were quite untroubled by Nashua who were simply out of their depth for the entire game ... it was men against boys and we could have had at least six goals. Tom was never troubled and got his first clean sheet of the season. The only blot was Captain Flicky once again picking up a card for saying very naughty words ... something quite off color involving a vicar, a tart and a goat I think. After the game it was decided that we would have a whip round and pay for some anger management counselling for the Captain ... the kind of counselling where they use electrodes. 

Cain did get among the goal scorers this week and is locked in a 12 way tie for top scorer but ... and I want to make this very clear ... he is leading the pack in assists. We know this because despite nobody keeping any records Cain tells us that it is so. Cain is refusing to publish his assist records claiming that they are under audit. Cain did bring twiglets to the game which might mean that we can believe his claims.

Ged played like crap this week ... it was like he wasn't even there. Same for Doug Viggliolottalinguine who was cruising around Paris demanding that young ladies show him "le tits now".

It was a warm and sunny day and shreddies were discarded by multiple players after the game. We lazed around pitch side like Romans on their day off from empire building. Talking of which ... what have the Romans ever done for us? The day got even better for me ... drove home and hit the couch to watch the Hammers thrash the pants off United to take us up to 5th spot in the prem. West Ham United - World Cup Winners! I checked the standings and Celtic are now top of the league after Stoneham dropped points ... I am predicting that we will top the league this season.

Game two - Celtic beats Marblehead 4-2

It was another glorious day ... warm, sunny, blue skies and Tom was properly medicated by which I mean he was filled with rage as reflected by his new goalie shirt ...

Captain Flicky changed things around a bit for this game and we lined up 3-5-2 and the extra forward really helped us as we created numerous chances. The goal scorers were Brahim, Mr OG, Doug and a left footed one timer from Walter that was a cracker. Caino also put one in the back of the old onion bag ... if you know what I mean!

Deep in the second half when Marblehead knew they were beaten, Tom was clattered into by a gormless marble-head who, despite his protestations was given his marching orders ... justice was served. Tom did pick up a yellow for naughty words wot he spake and Captain Flicky got the same for an unrelated incident that also involved naughty words.

Tom provided the victuals which were top notch and the beer flowed like wine ... I know, I know ... this is an old joke that I keep repeating! Celtic zoomed up the table to second place and I'm gonna state it right now ... we will win the group!

Game one 2019 Fall season - the rise of the northern bastard!

The weather was perfect, the pitch was top notch and the lads were ready to win it all starting by giving Stoneham a damned good spanking. We welcomed the dirty northern bastard to the team who questioned me before the game ... "southern bastard, I'm sensing something from you?" So I explained  ... "I don't like you.". Anyway, moving right along. We dominated the first half but did not take our chances ... the northern bastard hit the bar ... meaning that he hit the crossbar of the goal. We all know he's constantly hitting the bar ... because he's a drunken northern bastard!

It was all square in the first half but we gave them two soft goals in the second half which was quite unlike us. Our usually reliable keeper may have been involved but I won't spill the beans even though he said mean things about the Hammers. BTW West Ham United ... World Cup Winners! Where was I? Oh yes ... this southern bastard won us a penalty late on and stuck it in the corner of the old onion bag. We scrambled for an equalizer but ran out of time and the game ended 2-1 to Stoneham. After the game Tom exchanged pleasantries with Joe Mello who mentioned something quite unsavory about Tom's mum. The actual comment was something along the lines of .... hmm, err, an insertion of some kind of appendage ... into an orifice of some kind .... I will spare the sordid details but let's just say that he should be made to sit on the naughty step. We immediately called for the paramedics who would have been needed to stitch up Joe if we could not quickly shoot Tom with a tranquilizer dart. While we feasted pitch side on Pat's curry our old friend Lesly stopped by to give us more shit. While the guys spent time explaining to Lesly that he was "lacking in moral fiber" for joining Stoneham, I muttered "douchebag sayswot" a few times ... and the Gilf chortled and this is because he is blessed with a strangely childish sense of humor.

So I've been reviewing the game stats and let me see ... I have one goal ... which, let me get this right ... yes, yes indeed ... makes me the top scorer on the team! Why do I mention this? Err ... no reason! Can someone please let Cain know that there is no reason that I mention this?

We played 4-2-3-1 and the general opinion is that we need a second striker. Captain Flicky will review this option with the backroom staff during the week and will release his findings forthwith. In conclusion it has to be said that Rob's new football boots are very nice indeed and the fluorescent green color almost matches his shirt ... but not quite! I'm sorry Rob but the boots will have to go. Not all is lost with Rob however because I learned an important lesson from him ... I changed into dry shreddies after the game but Rob went shreddie free which is a better option on a warm day. When it comes to the care and protection of one's undercarriage ... Rob really is the king.