Game four versus Crappoli

Crappoli did their usual nonsense with their home field but Captain Flicky executed plan B flawlessly and we moved the game to grass at home in Danvers, It was a sunny and bright day and the pitch was in decent shape after our crack maintenance crew did the honors the day before. Captain Flicky started us off in the patented 3-5-2 formation which has proven to be quite effective this season. Crappoli are a decent team with some skillful players but they could not trouble us and I don't think that Frank had a single serious shot in anger to deal with. They are a tetchy team however and they squawked over every perceived injustice. FYI blokes that behave like this back in the old country are known as "wankers".

Rob was sporting new boots which he proudly showed off to me before kick off. Evidently he was so embarrassed by his non matching boots last week that he rectified the problem. However, the new boots still clashed so look out for a new pair for the next match because Rob won't settle until he gets this right.

We dominated the game and it could have been six nil but alas only one went in the back of the old onion bag. The goal was scored by Dimos who took a fairly tame shot in the first half that the Crappoli keeper bobbled and flubbed into his own net. We had many other chances but could not break them down any further. I counted at least six near misses.

Derek came down with leprosy before the game but did show up with victuals that were gobbled up by the starving hoards ... sausage and meat balls in marinara sauce ... and this time Caino did not soil his bib. On the libation front the BEER FLOWED LIKE WINE!!! Let me assure you that I will be using this phrase much more often because it is quite silly.

Here is a nice picture of Derek feeling like crap, JB doing post match calisthenics whilst sporting an odd expression, Caino picking his hooter and Paschal laughing like a mental person.

Stoneham squeaked a win over Peabody which is puzzling. The NS Internationals crushed Andover who have now been soundly spanked twice ... one more spanking would be thrice spanked and with luck we will be administering this next week. We stay in second spot locked on points with Stone of the village Ham who have a game in hand. Andover are anchored at the bottom of the table with no points and a negative 15 goal difference which is really quite disgraceful.

Dr Serge Icklestocking.

Game three versus North Shore Internationals

The ship has been stabilized and order re-established. Played three, won two, securely in second spot in the league which means that Champions League footy is secure.

It was a warm, sunny spring day and the lads turned up in force. Sam was away so Frank went in between the pipes and performed admirably. Andy and Rob were back from injuries so the shape of the team was solid. The only slightly unsettling issue was that Rob's boots did not perfectly match his shirt. Anyway, to the action. We scored first with a cracker from Cain. They scored and leveled things and we went into the half tied at one apiece. At halftime there was a lot of talk ... we need to play wider, we need to play narrower, we need to keep it simple, we need to push up .... none of it really made any sense but some kind of consensus was reached and we went back to work. In the second half Douglas Hornblower Vigglialottapizza bagged one and Cain rounded things out with a third close to the final whistle. Caino bagged two on the day which is highly commendable for a natural left back. The Celtic were not at their best today but we were better than them and that's just fine.

Because of the heat the sweat quotient was high and Rob scrambled to get his dry shreddies on pitch side right after the final whistle ... this is a commendable commitment to the joy of having a dry undercarriage. I did the same thing in the wind tunnel between two cars in the parking lot and I confess that I let the air blow for quite some time ... quite pleasurable. I just hope that the cameras around the school did not pick up on this because I could have some splaining to do!

Jan Lebel representing our supporters club showed up for the second half and stood hand on hips overseeing proceedings with an icy stare ... no wonder things turned around for us. North Andover got a 7-0 tonking from Stoneham so our mid week debacle did not seem quite so bad.

Game two versus Stoneham ... the sobering.

Where to start? I just cued up the Thomas Newman theme music from Revolutionary Road to settle my bowels before writing. Last night we were stricken by some last minute injuries to a few key players but we started well against our nemesis Stone of the town Ham. We played remarkably well for the first ten or fifteen minutes and I thought that we would win the game but they struck on their only look at our goal. After this setback we coughed up a penalty and they hit the back of our net again. Two down at the half but I felt that we could get back into it but the wheels fell off completely in the second half and I can't even write the final score. I just can't ... do ... it .... Jim!

  

Here's the thing though ... we play again on Sunday and we will rally. We shall rise ... we shall rise at daybreak and will do battle. Some of us may lose our breakfast but remember ... indigestion is but a moment, cowardice is a lifetime of affliction! Where was I ... oh yes, we will play hard, we will win and after the game I am going fishing in the half-light of the canyon where all existence fades to a being with my soul and memories and the sounds of the river and a four count rhythm and the hope that a fish will rise.

Richard Ferbrains.

Opening day .... IT'S TIME FOR SPRING FOOTY!!!!

If footy be the food of love, play on. Give me excess of it so that surfeiting I may sicken and so die!
Brian Shakespeare from Basildon in Essex.

Up early. Tinkle. Shuffle around a bit. Make small poo. Drink juice, brush teeth and make another more substantial poo. Out the door. When I arrived at the pitch some of the boys are ready to go ... here is a picture of the early morning crew. I know that you are thinking ... looks like a work release program from the local penitentiary.

It's a nice day in New England ... sunny and mild. Yup ... Sunday morning footy is here again and it's the season opener against Peabody. Captain Flicky distributes all new kit including warm up jackets with the name of the team on the back. There was talk of a promotion for CF to Brigadier Bostridge for coming through with the nice new duds.

The warm up jackets are virgin white and Caino was the first to befoul/violate/besmirch his jacket with marinara sauce during the early stages of the post match feasting. Captain Gilfeather supplied the victuals ... sausages and meatballs ... and they hit the spot. Bwian (Wearly Centuwian) Sweeney supplied the suds and they were plentiful and wet.

Celtic played with poise for the entire match. Bagged three, conceded none and took all of the points. It was a bit of stroller and perhaps we should have bagged a few more goals. Peabody caused us no problems and I don't think they had an actual shot on goal. Our first was scored by Rob Lebel who went on a mazy run right down the center of the park, slotted home with ease and wheeled away to soak up the applause of the capacity crowd. Rob did look a bit like Georgie Best in his glory days. Number two was scored from a corner taken by this Limey. The ball lofted over everyone and the keeper took an air swipe at it but it dropped perfectly for Dimos who just stroked it into the net with his left peg. Number three was nodded in by Andy with his melon. It was late in the game and Andy moved quite a way up the field from his center back spot .... some say he was actually standing in the goal but the rules committee did credit him for putting one in the back of the old onion bag. 

Peabody are a bit of a mystery ... some skillful players many of whom were beaten as children and play a dirty bad tempered form of the game. Their number ten (real name actually is "Number Ten" because he is the 10th of 11 kids) was red carded deep into the second half and I think the reason was that he was behaving like a wanker .... which is a red card offense in any language. I'm going out on a limb and predict that Peabody will be going down to D2 this year.

That's it from the grassy knoll.

Hugh Jorgan.