Celtic thrashes Stoneham 2-1 in final game of the season

 It was hot and sunny and we had no subs and they had plenty ... but we had two secret weapons ... moral fiber and Captain Flicky! We lined up 4-4-2 with three of the geriatrics (me, JB and Captain Flicky) who are moving up next season. We played really well from the start with a heavy emphasis on patient possession that was rewarded with a goal from Juice who collected a long ball from Johnny G and then squeezed it around the keeper ... yes, Juice squeezed one in! Stoneham pulled one back with a goal that was clearly offside but we took the lead back with a perfectly crossed ball from Walter that Johnny G nodded in with his melon. It is just as well that we did not score more because I'm running out of fruit related comments. 

In the interest of accuracy I can state that Tom played OK and did not score. Here is Tom's fictional version of events written in a style that it strikingly similar to Wordsworth.

"The old team playing it’s final match was stellar which of course was all do to the excellent coaching by Gaffer in his last game.  As a wise move he played his best team on the field which of course included his all star goalie who was exceptional again!!!! The goalie was the main focus of the game making stellar saves left and right, reminiscent of days ago by goalie gods. It’s amazing how well he played not only stopping a multitude of shots, breakaways but, also scoring the winning goal off a beautiful cross from Walter. Truly a exceptional day by the keeper."

We ended the season in second place and almost pipped Stoneham who were one yellow card away from coughing up their top spot. It was probably a good thing that we were not aware of this because it would have been a flop fest and my comment about moral fiber would perhaps have to be revised.

The old farts are moving on to play with the even older, old farts. I have had a great time with this team and enjoyed writing this post game nonsense every week. I can certainly write up your game reports next season if you like ... the lack of factual material and details about the games should not be an issue. 

Celtic 5 North Shore International men of mystery 1

We gave them a damned good tonking today and Johnny G got a couple of hat tricks and would have possibly had more if the shots from the halfway line had gone in! Juice got one goal and Rob got one too. Rob's was memorable because he was kinda ducking to get out of the way of the ball which glanced off his shoulder and magically went in the net. But let me make it quite clear that none of this would have happened without the influence of Derek. Derek played "a blinder" today. We used this term in the old country when I was a lad and it was a high compliment. It never really made much sense to me because being blind would, in my mind at least, make it rather tricky to play football well. 

"Dating from the 1950s, blinder is a colloquial term for ‘a dazzlingly good piece of play’ in sport, especially in rugby or cricket."

Anyway, Derek was brilliant ... closing players down, tackling like a man possessed, passing with perfection, playing with vision, passing well ... think I mentioned this already, err ... working the offside trap, um ... taking some good throw in's ... and other complimentary things too. Derek also presented me with a cold heady topper after the game and just so everyone understands ... I CAN BE BOUGHT. Cash works but good beer works best. 

I listened intently to the various half time speeches and once again was flummoxed and understood almost none of the analysis. Yiannis Moorhen chatted with me at the interval and here is a summary of the conversation:

Yiannis. What are we doing wrong?

Me. I don't know.

Yiannis. What should we change?

Me. I don't know.

Yiannis. Should we switch to 4-4-2?

Me. I don't know.

Yiannis. Should we play wider?

Me. I don't know.

Yiannis ... well I won't labor the point but the questions and answers lasted for at least fifteen minutes. The last question was ... should we go for the win?

Me. Err ... probably?

Rob had a strong game by which I mean he did a "Hannibal Lecter" on one of their chaps who took the bait and then had a verbal spat with the ref, a couple of our players, Captain Flicky and a dog walker who was out for a stroll by the field with his Jack Russel.

After the game Rob regaled us with tales of his Grandpapi which was touching and interesting. Interesting because it revealed something that none of us knew ... evidently Rob has a heart. It is very small and tucked deep in his chest and it barely beats at all. I think it's about the size of a squirrel's heart. 

I think we have a shot at the playoffs but I really don't know for sure.