Evolution secures play off footy!

We rose at first light and sallied forth to Lexingon for an early kick off. Despite the ungodly hour we were loaded with players raring to go on the frosty pitch. Captain Flicky lined us up 4-4-2 and after five minutes we were ahead. I don't know who scored or if it was an OG ... the peanut gallery concluded that the slow roller was a scruffy gift. Twenty minutes later Pat smacked one into the corner of the net. They pulled one back in the second half but we were not to be denied. We closed up shop and secured the play off spot.

For me, the best part of the match was when the ref insisted that a free kick had to be retaken three times .... because Ian quoted some Python .... 

"Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade."

Evolution thrashes Seadogs 2-1 in game 8 Fall 2022 season

I took extensive notes during this match with particular focus on pass completion. I was somewhat distracted by catching a glimpse of Boomer's distended testicle and shrunken toe so my numbers may be a bit skew whiff. Here are my findings. We completed nine passes and four of them went directly to one of our players. Three of these passes were immediately passed to the Seadogs. Alarmingly Captain Flicky made no back passes and drew no cards for dissent despite hurling abuse at a number of Seadogs and the ref. Captain Flicky's insult completion rate was an impressive 98%. My stats team has concluded that if we can pass like the Captain can cuss, we will win the playoffs! We scored two in the first half with Paschal and Ricardo hitting the back of the old onion bag .... both were dispatched without so much as a "by your leave" and with "aplomb" and with "alacrity" and with "malice aforethought" and with some other clever words that do not come to mind right now. The Seadog goal came late in the second half and put the cat amongst the pigeons briefly, however for most of the game we were in control and looked a bit like Barce in mid season form. There was some loss of control after the game that I believe was due to the tequila that was being passed around.

I noticed that Gedwood the Northern Bastard was invisible for this game .... possibly because he was at Kyle's game in NY but more likely because he is lacking in moral fiber .... this, of course, is because he is from the north! JB was sidelined with a bad back because he schlepped a fridge into a crawl space on Saturday. Tom's dodgy back is due to schlepping a fridge into his attic some time ago and Blanchy's twisted his ankle is from a bar fight with a fridge. The Gilf defibrillated all injured players for good measure and gave that pesky testicle an extra jolt!

I am aiming to play a bit next Sunday and then I'm seriously gonna try for three beers .... in a row! Someone should bring a kiddie pool for George's kite surfing demo.

Earnest Scribbler.

PS .... true fact .... 80% of the nuts that squirrels hide, they cannot find.

Spring 2022 .... gotta late start to my scribblings

Game 5 of the spring season ... shaft failure.

This was a game of two halves .... the respectable first half where they scored one from a deflected own goal and the horrific second half where they scored six when our intermediate shaft bearing suffered catastophic failure. Next week we play them again at home and I am certain that we will give them a damned good spanking. In the meantime (durings the meanwhilst) we just need to work on our strategery!

Game 9 ... I can't even write the score!

What can I say? They scored and I equalized with a belter from the edge of the box but after this the wheels fell off and an axle and the front end and the exhaust system and they scored more goals. Ian served chicken curry and there were many fine brews on offer. It all comes down to the final game of the season.

Game 8 - squeaky bum time!

It was bright but breezy and downright chilly when we kicked off in Peabody at 9am on their dodgy pitch that appeared to have been used for a tractor pull the day before. We dominated the game for ninety minutes but just could not put the ball in the net despite skimming the bar, hitting the post and having one cleared off the line.  Peabody were a feisty lot of generally below average, grouchy, chippy, bed wetters. 

We ended the game at nil nil but should have won two nil. Relegation is now a serious concern and next weeks game against the Seadogs is critical. I am predicting a three nil win however. Our final game against Concord will be a stern test but I expect that we will give them a spanking nonetheless ... I'm going with five nil for this one!

I had to dash off after the game and only managed to drink one brewsky but did see that Tom looked to be serving up a feast.

Game 7 - we came second!

The Lexington Regal Eagles keeper looked a bit old and knackered but proved to be a geriatric cat who used to play pro. He saved a penalty and at least two other goal bound shots that would have beaten any other keeper in the league. The final score was 5-3 and they scored two in the last ten minutes which was a bummer. Cain scored two and George got one for us and George's goal was an official "belter".

We adjourned to the Gilf's post game pastoral pad for beer and munchies after the match .... we enjoyed a fire pit, a pack of friendly pooches and some tasty bites. The Gilf was pumping out sausages and burgers on the grill at a furious pace. I pigged out on crisps (chips to the Sherman Tanks), drank two beers and loaded up a sausage. This would normally be a perfectly satisfactory lunch but I decided to go for a burger as well and this proved to be my downfall. After the party I drove homeward and nodded off at every stop light. I woke up each time when my head hit the horn and passers by started banging on the window. 

I got home and headed for the shower but decided to catch a few zeds on the bed whilst watching the Hammers thrash Everton. I missed most of the game because I was snoozing. When I finally woke up it was getting dark so I took my shower, changed straight into my PJ's, skipped dinner and went back to bed where I would "sleep the sleep of a thousand martyrs". I know what you are thinking and yes you are right ... I'm an old fart and a lightweight beer drinker! JB pours two beers on his morning frosted flakes for heavens sake!

Next up are Peabody which still sounds like an insult to me!

Game 6 - Evolution thrashes pants off NS Raiders 3-2 and crowd goes wild !!!!

They got off to a rough start and coughed up an own goal in the second minute, then they scored two against the run of play. Ricardo stuck one in the back of the old onion bag five minutes from the end to even it up and Rino nodded one in at the death to win it all. We should have won by more and they can thank their keeper because he made a couple of stunning saves. But enough of this footy talk. 

This was the Kate Moorman show (ably assisted by sous chef Yiannis Moorhen) and the young lass came through with the goods once again. We feasted on pulled pork (prepared by Yiannis slow cooked over many hours), top notch and top shelf cornbread, fried chicken (next level), potato salad, fixings, sauces and other stuff that I'm forgetting. We washed down said victuals with assorted beers, cognac and whiskey. The cognac was a clear hit in the drinks department. There was also a tarty thing and I can confirm that I am partial to a nice tart as I am sure many of us are! The fruitier the better I say!!

Pace is the key when Kate is catering. Here are some guidelines for the new recruits .... I saw many a chap dive in deep early only to fizzle out in short order.

1. Post game first off ... remove sweaty shreddies. Important to have a dry undercarriage for maximum enjoyment of feast.

2. Set up chair.

3. Drink one beer.

4. Sample a little something edible but don't gorge.

5. Drink second beer or substitute with cognac/whiskey.

6. Load up first plate. Don't go crazy here ... there's always too much food ... pace is the key!

7. Load up second plate. You can go heavy at this point.

8. Third beer. You should be sipping at this stage.

9. Dessert.

10. More beers until you doze off. Have blankie handy in case nap turns into all nighter.

11. Wake up by first light, wipe off pigeon droppings and drive home.

To the uninitiated I encourage you to bring tupperware next time ... this is how you should leave one of these feasts .... I was working on the leftovers until Thursday! Why do I get special treatment from Kate? Answer ... no idea, I think she's mixing me up with someone else.